Living life in Mormonland, you forget that it’s in the middle of the Wild Wild West. I mean it’s the fucking desert too. Just try to raise snakes in the house with a small water bowl and see what happens. I already told y’all about the dry. But dude, this is like western western country. Like western for real. I think they film Westerns here. I know they filmed a lot of the Star Wars movies here. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance kid, a bunch of shit. Those big red arches are here. I’ve heard that lots of movies have been filmed here. But anyway, about the Wild West, Mormonland is smack in the middle of it. It’s surrounded by Nevada, Arizona, Colorado, Idaho, and Wyoming. So, it’s not out of the ordinary to see people with cowboy hats and boots that are dead fucking serious. Like real cowboys, ranchers and shit. They might even rodeo here and there. I thought the South was where all country folks were, nah ah. These are some country bumpkins out here too.
The fucked-up thing about the Wild West that I can’t get used to are the accents. Or better yet, the lack thereof. Where I’m from its rednecks and they talk country. That thick southern drawl. The closer to Mississippi, the more inbred they sound. They sound like actors over-acting some Alabama comedy or something. You always know a redneck. We can mock them when they leave, you know? But not these people. These motherfuckers look like rednecks, walk like rednecks, dress like rednecks, and act like rednecks, but they talk like those white people on the news that say shit like “gee-golly.” Freaks me the fuck out. Twilight zone freaky. It’s almost like the Mormons are like the movie They Live and they take on the personas of all types of people and the only way to tell is to put on those fucking sunglasses. Or, maybe they are “replicas” like Blade Runner. You have to interview them and analyze their face for emotions. They all seem like that too. Just acting their facial expressions to fit what is viewed as acceptable in their twisted little circles as “kind” or “happy” to the real humans. Holy shit. It’s cowboy Mormons. The Mormons have infected the Wild West and when they stake their claim on your soul, they take your personality and accent away. I think I’m onto something.
When I first moved to Mormonland, I went to visit a friend in Phoenix, Arizona to go to a Danzig show. He asked me how I liked Mormonland, and I said, “I like it, it’s fucking weird though.” He scoffed and said, “yeah, it’s weird. There’s a fucking CULT there.” He didn’t tell me it was a goddamn alien invasion. Maybe he didn’t know. I think I should warn him because Phoenix is close to Mesa and I heard that’s like Arizona’s Mormonland. What if they get him? Did they get him already? What’s with the desert and the Mormons? Nobody’s safe anymore. Are y’all ok down south? Probably too humid down there for them. I don’t remember Mormons in my neck of the woods growing up. Maybe they just hide better down there. Maybe they’re afraid of the Pentecostals. Maybe the dry climate helps with the breeding and all. I’m not too worried about them getting me. They don’t ever seem interested in me. They don’t want me on their planets. I’d totally bang their wives. Besides, I know a lot of people brought up that way and turned to the dark side. They took the Red Pill and now they laugh like real humans. Maybe it wears off after a while when you deactivate from the Mormonry. These are all questions we should be asking ourselves here in Mormonland. Are these things just misled people or do they have tails and hooves? Do they peel off their white people skins at night? Do they sleep upside down? Do they sleep at all or are they teleporting to their planets behind closed doors? We can’t be too sure about anything these days. You can dismiss my ideas if you want to. Stick with the Blue Pill. But, one thing’s for sure, Mormonland IS the Wild Wild West.
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